White Gorilla Jokes

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A man reads in the paper of a white gorilla in a zoo far away.  He decides that he just has to see it.  The journey will be a long and arduous one but he simply cannot resist.  He sets out on his trip and travels by car to the docks, and catches a boat across a huge ocean.  After weeks of sea travel he arrives at the other side and takes a train to the zoo.

When he sees the white gorilla he can't believe his eyes, it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.  He simply must get a closer look, so he goes to the zoo manager and begs to be allowed into the gorilla's cage.

After much arguing the man finally persuades the manager to let him in to the gorilla's cage, but before he does he tells the man "Whatever you do, you must never touch the white gorilla."  The manager insists on this condition, and after some discussion, the man finally agrees and is led to the cage.  "Now remember!" says the manager, "Never touch the white gorilla!"

He tip-toes into the cage and is amazed, the gorilla is even more beautiful close up than it was from a distance.  The white gorilla just sits quietly and looks at the man.  After a while the man gets use to being so close to the gorilla and it seems so peaceful and calm that he starts to think that there can't be any harm in touching the gorilla. He slowly moves closer and closer to it, all the time the white gorilla just looks calmly at him.  He reaches out his arm and gently touches the gorilla.

Just as his hand makes contact the gorilla jumps up and starts roaring.  The man turns and runs to the exit, getting there just before the gorilla.  He leaps through the door and the keepers slam the door just in time.

The gorilla, pulls at the door and to the man's horror the bars start to bend.  The man runs out of the zoo and to the train station and jumps on the train, which as luck would have it is just leaving.  He glances back and can see the gorilla chasing after the train, but not gaining on it.  The train arrives at the docks and the man quickly scampers aboard the boat.

The boat leaves and the man thinks he's safe at last.  He relaxes and starts to enjoy the leisurely cruise back across the ocean.  The day they're due back in port he's walking on deck when he sees a small shape in the water trailing behind the boat.  He can't make it out so he borrows a pair of binoculars from someone.  He focuses the binoculars on the small shape and is horrified to discover that it's the white gorilla, swimming behind the boat.  It must have been there all along.

The boat then arrives in port and the man hurries through customs and rushes to his car.  He drives off just in time to see the gorilla climbing out of the ocean from his rear view mirror.  He drives as fast as he can to his house and runs in locking the door behind him.  All the time being followed be the huge white gorilla.  The gorilla starts pounding on the door and having seen what it did to the cage at the zoo the man knows it won't take it very long to get in. 

He runs from room to room trying to think of a place he can hide.  He hears the door shatter and dives into a wardrobe and pulls the door closed behind him.  Outside the gorilla is going mad trying to find the man, he's ripping things up and tearing out doors.  Finally he comes to the wardrobe the man is hiding in and rips the door off.  The gorilla sees the man and smiles, reaches out a massive hand and gently touches the man and says...







"Tag!  You're it!"





The Pro at the local golf course was annoyed one day when one of his students happened to mention that a friend of a friend of his had taught a White Gorilla how to play golf.

"I'll believe that when I see it." said the Pro, but sure enough the next weekend the student came with a large White Gorilla in tow.

When it was their turn to play, the Pro shot first, followed by the student.  They then watched as the White Gorilla examined its selection of clubs, pulled out a driver, and walked over to the tee.

It carefully addressed the ball, gauged its distance, drew back, and drove the ball 450 yards. 

The ball flew straight and true to the green, coming to rest two feet from the pin.

The threesome walked down and, when its turn came up, the White Gorilla again examined its selection of clubs.  Pulling out a putter, it walked over to its ball. 

The White Gorilla carefully addressed the ball, gauged its distance, drew back, and drove the ball another 450 yards.




ne fine Sunday afternoon, a man visiting the zoo was fascinated by the large White Gorilla there.  He spent the rest of his afternoon standing before the cage, examining the White Gorilla, and the White Gorilla spent the rest of its afternoon examining the man from inside its cage. 

All too soon closing time approached, and the man sighed, knowing it was time to go.  The White Gorilla sighed too.  "Is it possible that White Gorilla could be imitating me?" thought the man, and scratched his head.  Inside the cage, the White Gorilla put up its hand and scratched its head.

Wondering to himself at this turn of events, the man stroked his chin.  The White Gorilla stroked its chin.

To see how far he could take this game, the man first put his hands in the air, then he hugged himself, then he jumped up and down on one foot and flapped his arms like a chicken. 

Everything he did, the White Gorilla did too.

When he walked like a penguin, the White Gorilla walked like a penguin.

When he did a few dance steps, the White Gorilla copied them faithfully.

All went well until a speck of dust flew into the man's right eye, and he put his index finger under his eye and gently pulled down on the skin to see if he could dislodge the speck.

At that, the White Gorilla went into a furious rage, storming around the cage and beating its chest, while the man stood there in shocked amazement at this startling change in behavior.

Suddenly, the White Gorilla shot its arm out between the bars, seized the man by the front of his coat and began to shake him mercilessly.  It kept this up until the keeper came running, at which point it dropped the man and retreated to the far corner of the cage, to sit hunched over with its back to the world.

The man woke up in the hospital, and as soon as he could have visitors, the keeper came to see him, hat in hand.

"What on earth happened that made our White Gorilla so angry?" asked the keeper.

"Don't ask me, I don't know!" said the man.  "We were having a nice quiet game of monkey-see, monkey-do, when all of a sudden the stupid ape went ballistic!"

"Well, what was the last thing you did?" asked the keeper.

"Nothing!" said the man, "I got some dust in my eye, and so I went like this to see if I could dislodge it," and he put his index finger under his right eye and gently pulled down on the skin.

The keeper clapped his hand over his mouth and gasped.  For the next minute and a half he stood there, staring into space and saying nothing but "Oh, dear me!" alternated with an occasional "Oh, my goodness!"

Finally he looked at the man and said "That explains everything!  To a White Gorilla, that's a terrible insult, an expression of utter distain and total contempt!  It would be like... well... like me telling you to 'Go and sit on a big thistle bush!'"

The man was incredulous.  "'Go and sit on a big thistle bush?'"

"Yes, well, actually it's much, much worse than that," said the keeper, "but there might be innocent children listening."

The man, however, remained highly skeptical of the keeper's explanation, and vowed to himself to get even with the White Gorilla.  As soon as he got out of the hospital, he went out and bought two old-fashioned straight razors.

One he sharpened as sharp as he could, the other he dulled until it wouldn't cut a thing.

Going to the zoo, he approached the White Gorilla's cage with great caution.  The White Gorilla saw him coming, and walked calmly over to the front of the cage and sat down.

The man waved at the White Gorilla, and the White Gorilla waved back at the man.

The man looked both ways, and the White Gorilla looked both ways.

The man offered the sharpened razor to the White Gorilla, and the White Gorilla gravely took it from him.

The man opened his dull razor, and the White Gorilla opened the sharp razor.

The man shaved down one side of his face, and the White Gorilla shaved down one side of its face.  Fine white fur drifted to the floor of the cage.

The man shaved down the other side of his face, and the White Gorilla shaved down the other side of its face.

The man gripped his dull razor firmly and, pressing it hard against his throat, swiftly drew it from ear to ear.  The White Gorilla put its index finger under its right eye and gently pulled down on the skin.




A white gorilla walks into an ice cream store and orders a small sundae.  It puts down a fifty-dollar bill to pay for it.

The clerk thinks, "What can a white gorilla know about money?"  So he hands back a single dollar in change and says, "You know, we don't get many white gorillas in here."

"I'm not surprised," answers the white gorilla, "and at these prices you won't get many more."

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