Raising Boys

Boys and girls are not just plumbed differently, they are also wired differently.  Those of you who differ with me on this statement may now recognize the irony of writing me off as "just a guy" and move on.  Some of the differences can be attributed (or blamed) on upbringing, but it is a scientific fact that certain other differences are in there before they are even born.  Please note I said differences, not that one gender is inherently "better" than the other.

The following is based on a list was written by an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas.  There are many different versions of this list on the 'net, but these are my favorites.

Things I Have Learned From My Boys.

The mind of a 6-year old boy is a wonderful and amazing thing, and you find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

  1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
  2. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak.  It explodes.
  3. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
  4. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  5. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  6. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
  7. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
  8. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
  9. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
  10. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the baseball up a few times before you get a hit.
  11. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
  12. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  13. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
  14. Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.
  15. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
  16. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
  17. Certain Legos® will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
  18. Duplos® will not.
  19. The words "Play-Doh®" and "microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.
  20. Super glue is forever.
  21. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
  22. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
  23. VCRs do not eject peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
  24. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
  25. Marbles in the gas tank make lots of noise in a moving car.
  26. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
  27. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
  28. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
  29. The fire department in Austin, Texas, has a 5 minute response time.
  30. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
  31. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
  32. Cats can throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  33. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  34. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
  35. 80% of Women who read this will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
  36. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Two anecdotes proving nothing:

When my girls were little, they used to play with the boys next door.  On one occasion, I saw the older boy walk along our fence until he got within 20 feet of the gate, then turn and start to climb over.  When I pointed out that there was a gate nearby, he looked at me like I was a total idiot* and said "I know."  He then completed his climb and walked away.
* No comments, please!

A large building I once visited had the washrooms in pairs, spaced at regular distances.  I conducted a quick survey as I walked down the hall, and found the brass kick-plates on the bottoms of the doors to the men's rooms were scuffed up, and the ones for the women's rooms were not.