Tom Gloger on Discipline

(Under Construction)

I think I found the following article on Yahoo.com on July 2, 2012, who attributed it to YourTango.com, who attributed it to Judy Wright Helm[sic] and dated it Jun 7, 2012.

How to Discipline Your Kids: 5 Tips for Dads
By Judy Helm Wright

Find out how dads can be firm while bonding with their kids.  Many fathers assume discipline means yelling, threatening or spanking children when their behavior is unacceptable.  However, discipline can be interpreted in many ways and dealt with differently among different fathers.

The first thing to know about discipline is the two ways it can be interpreted.  Some men may be confusing discipline - which means loving guidance and teaching - with punishment.  Punishment is punitive and harsh.

Their own fathers worked long hours and the mother did most of the parenting, sometimes with threats such as, "just wait till your father comes home!"  Consequently, some men grew up without a strong, caring father.  Those men may not be sure how to parent or how to get cooperation without punishing or yelling.

If there is a blended family, or the children are in two households, it is very important for dads to be consistent in giving kind, firm guidance and discipline.  Be consistent.  If one parent is permissive and the other is punitive or strict, the combined methods constitute a mixed approach.  For a child, this is like living in a country where two different governments are operating simultaneously.

Children figure out quickly that the rules are different between two parents, and they learn to play one against the other.  This mixed, or inconsistent, approach brings out the most extreme reactions in parents and children.  So, as a dad, make a decision that your method of parenting will be consistent and respectful.  Once your child knows what your expectations are, he or she will more easily rise to meet those guidelines and trust you.

With that being said, building a trusting relationship with a child is key to proper discipline.  Here are five tips fathers can use to discipline a child, while also building a strong father-child bond:

  1. Be firm, kind and respectful in setting boundaries.
  2. Try to say yes, more often than no.  "Yes, you may have a cookie ... right after dinner."
  3. Use logical consequences to correct inappropriate behavior.  "If you leave your bike outside on the sidewalk once more, we will put it in the garage for a week."  And then do it.
  4. Be a role model for integrity.  Your child will learn much more from what you do, rather than from what you say.
  5. Hold family meetings to allow everyone to share ideas and suggestions, on how to make the family connect more closely and the house run smoothly.  Make these meetings a priority and make them a joyful time, not a time of correction or conflict.
Be a role model.  Being an effective and loving Dad is one of the highest honors a man can have.  When you build those strong connections and trust with your child, you will have gained a legacy that you can both be proud of.
This has got to be my weakest subject, because every child is different and I've only had two.  Two very different ones, I might add.  Both girls.  So your mileage may vary.  But here goes.

So say your toddler knows the knobs on the entertainment center are off-limits.  But he goes there anyway, and starts to reach for them.  You say "No!"  He looks at you and smiles, but keeps reaching.  If you've already spanked him once or twice, chances are all you have to do is start to stand up, and he'll get the message.

Once a child gets older, reduction of privileges is more effective.

Anger can make almost anyone exaggerate.  I found when I was angry, the best thing was to call a time out for both of us, during which both sides should consider the validity of their position. This was often followed by a reasoned, if edgy, discussion of the differences, and sometimes at least partial apologies from both sides.  It is important that you demonstrate for your children the proper way to handle being wrong.

Last updated 2 July 2012.  Still needs work.  Differing opinions are welcomed.


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